Moar liek Lawyer Marines amirite?

Shattering the glass ceiling, it's Professional Marines! Fear them most on Business Casual Friday!

>>2994028
Whatever works anon.

Microwaved your cat? Stuck your finger in a bottle and can't remove it?
Call Lawerrius and Co. Marine Lawsuit Firm
and get the money YOU deserve!

Now do a lawyer marine in the Phoenix Wright "OBJECTION" pose.

I don't know if they are loyal or chaos marines.
I guess it just depends if they are on your side or not in a court case.

This is going places.

>>2994089

pg.10

>>2994080
Their primary tactic is to take position behind a desk and give suppressing fire while chanting holy retributions at the enemy. This tactic is named by the Codex Astartes as STEEL OBJECTION.

Can we get a chaos marine Prosecutor?

I want them inside me

Wargear

Professional Marines: Getting Shit Done in the name of the Emperor.

And may the Emperor help you if you get in the way of their carefully constructed planetary annihilation plans... torture chambers are one thing, but board meetings are another.

Draw a board meeting where a Commissar is hauled over the coals for being inefficient in his choice of who to BLAM.

i support this faggotry

>>2994051

They're loyalists. Reasomonette often has to oppose them.

"In the course of so many Heretics and Xenos being indiscriminately purged, it was only a matter of time before damages were sought against the Imperium, on charges of discrimination and denial of due process."

"With the formation of the Attourney Marines, the Prosecution immediately regretted having ever raised the matter."

who will be the judge?

lolcron

I would have a boner right now if I didn't have a block of frozen milk between my thighs

>>2994159
yes

>>2994186
Ye- wait, what?

Thus were born the Adeptus Solicitus.

Not OP, but I'm way bored.

Adeptus Solicitus, Attorneys-at-War.

>>2994186
wait...how do you get a block of frozen milk unless it was in an easily-removed container?

Your honour, I put forward that poster 2994186 got his block of frozen milk... by freezing a bag of milk! Yes, your honour, he is in fact a canadian, and therefore this case is a sham!

>>2994203

Or he's eating ice cream.

JUDGENAUGHT

Moar Wargear

Defendant: "Your honor, I'd like to make it absolutely clear that the prosecution doesn't have any evidence at all that I committed the heresy. As a matter of fact, they dragged-"
Atty. Marine: "OBJECTION."
Judge Fuklaw: "On what grounds?"
Atty. Marine: "THE DEFENDANT IS A FFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAGGOT. YOUR HONOR."
Judge Fuklaw: "Objection upheld. Stop talking you queefhuffing dickplug of a heretic."
Defendant: "Are you ser-" *BLAM*

>>2994215
UNF UNF UNF UNF UNF

>>2994022
Hearing a Marine yell "OBJECTION" would be awesome.

>>2994215
After long deliberation, I find that, while the defense made several good points, the overwhelming majority of evidence points to multiple counts of grade II Heresy as defined under the Primarch Convention. I sentence your planet to EXTERMINATUS, to be carried out in three to four weeks.

Dismiss.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN DEAD!

"What is all this... this... GRANDSTANDESEY!"

And Ye shall fear the Codex for this chapter. For it is made of paragraph-markers, and pain.

Are the Professional Marines an offshoot chapter of the reasonable marines who decided to clean up the Administratum instead of planets?

>>2994203
>>2994214
>>2994192
It's a small box of milk. It was in the refrigerator too close to the freezer box, thus making freezing it. I am trying to heat it up, but am using my hands to surf the internet and such so I'm keeping it between my thighs to warm it up,as this is the only place I can store it while properly heating.

I like where this keeps on going.

Epic win. Needs to be archived.

Also, they should have the "Objection!" special rule, which lets them "Object!" to anything an opposing player attempts that might be bending the rules, as follows.
LawyerMarines Player: Court of the Emperor, my Justice-class Land Raider (12 marines/6 termies capacity, T-L LasProjectors in sponsons and in the hull mount) fires 3 twin-linked S9 AP2 shots at your Warboss.

Ork Player: He's in cover behind this rock. [the rock obscures the warboss' power klaw] He has a 4+ cover save!

LawyerMarine Player: OBJECTION! The model is alone and its body is not obscured! *rolls a d6* On a 4+ YOU LOSE! BWAHAHAHA!

________________________________________
Or something like that. >.>

>>2994256
WALNUTS TO RAISINS

NEXT UP, HERESY-SCENE-INVESTIGATORS

SOB: "INVESTIGATOR MARINE, THE HERETICS SEEM TO HAVE BEEN STAYING IN THIS CABIN UP BY THE WOODS."

HSI: "I SEE, SISTER-OF-BATTLE CORONER. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THEY DID IT SO THAT... NOBODY WOULD...

HEAR-A-TIC."

*sunglasses*


THE WHO: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Shit. SHIT. SHIIIIIIIIIIT.

FUCKING LOVE THIS CHAPTER

So...so...are the Chaos Lawyer Marines like...

Jack Thompson? Johnnie Cochran?

>>2994278
Think Wolfram & Hart.

Ahh, the Adeptus Solicitus, perfect army for the rules-lawyering players.

>>2994254
Something like that.

>>2994278
"If the power fist does not fit, you must acquit."

"But he's wearing one already."

"If it does not fit, you must acquit."
?

>>2994296
And they have a name!

>>2994278
This

>>2994310
OBJECTIONS FOR THE OBJECTION GOD.

CONVICTIONS FOR THE CONVICTION THRONE.

>>2994276
More like:

"Brother-Captain Horatius, the tank was pierced by multiple las-blasts that set the insides on fire."

"Smells like..."

*Glasses*

"Heresy"


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>2994267
Some people call that "following the rules."

>>2994321
Ughh... this one's even worse than
>>2994198
At least that one had a dash of humor in it.

>>2994310
>>2994317
So... Prosecutor Marines. Awesome.

So, I bet they run damage control for the Angry Marines, don't they... Those guys break a lot of shit; SOMEBODY has got to cover their asses.

Adeptus Solicitus: Attorneys at War.

"You've been served!"

The Chapter Master of the Adeptus Solicitus also serves as Solicitor-General of the Imperium.

Their holiest relic-weapon is the fabled subpoena launcher, which shoots Warp grenades that suck the target into a portal that deposits them in the middle of a Solicitus courtroom/firing range.

Khornate Prosecutor

>>2994318
"Brother, the ground is crack and warped by chaos. It's constantly shifting around, changing the landscape every hour."

"Looks like we've stumbled upon..."

*Glasses*

"Heretics"

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

"These cultists have killed entire blocks of the city in the name of Khorn, and even consumed the bodies."

"Looks like they've got an appetite..."

*Glasses*

"For chaos."

>>2994404
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

>>2994276
>>2994318
>>2994382

I fucking lol'd. Good show.

>>2994404
Oh god, if only one thing this month gets a decent photoshop, please make it this.

This thread

This threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis threadThis thread

Come on fa/tg/uys, you can do more then just this!

"Brother Captain, it appears that the stronghold's defences were linked by Mind Impulse Unit to the Archmagos. When the unknown assassin capped him with a bolter, the defences went dead."

"I guess this mean, a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded..."

*Photovisor*

"...is like an open mind."

---

"Brother-Captain, we can ascertain it wasa suicide, but why would a renowned assassin like him commit suicide?"

"I guess for him, the greatest terror- was to work..."

*Photovisor*

"...with his death incomplete."

>>2994525
first one is made of awesome

if the metal boxes do not fit then you must acquit

In the criminal justice system of the Imperium the people are represented by three separate, yet equally important groups: the Inquisitors who shoot heretics, the Commissars who shoot cowards, and the Adeptus Solicitus who shoot heretical cowards.

These are their stories.

>Two more

"Brother-Captain! A most strange case! Though the sword jammed in his back makes it look like a simple stabbing, the Chaos Marine also seemed to suffer from anemia believe it or not."

"Well, you know what they say about his men; iron within..."

*Photovisor*

"Iron without."

---


"Brother-Captain! It appears that the Tzeentchian was killed by a set of carpentry tools!"

"Well, from our point of view, you could say that things went..."

*Photovisor*

"Just as planed."

>>2994567
The puns! They burn us! They burn us!

that said, continue.

>>2994557
Fuck yeah.

"The soldier's plasma gun exploded after a dangerous build up of energy caused by prolonged use and little maintenance."

"Looks like, this case..."

*Glasses*

"Is getting hot."

Brother-Captain! It seems that the Chaos Marines are retreating from the battlefield now that their greater demon has fallen!

Order the men to open fire, looks like the Death Guard are going to have...

*Glasses*

...an unclean getaway.

"A Greater Daemon just erupted out of the frame of that child!"

"Looks like a case of..."

*Photovisor*

"Minor in possession."

"Looks like a plasma charge blew off half his head, Brother-Captain. No way for an Eccelesiarch to go."

"I'm not so sure about that, Apothecary. After all..."

*Photovisor*

"Blessed is the mind too small for doubt."

---

"The surviving Marine says that his brother Wolves were slaughtered by a man the hivers call 'Jumpin' Jiminy', a hab-worker who supposedly went murderously insane, but that can't be true, can it?"

"We cannot assume anything, Apothecary, otherwise the next story the hivers will tell..."

*Photovisor*

"Will be The Wolf Who Cried 'Man'."

---

"I tried to tell him his night camouflage wasn't adequate, but he wouldn't listen to me!"

"I guess this Angel..."

*Photovisor*

"Wasn't Dark enough."

---

"A most cunning weapon, Brother-Captain. While it looks like a standard-issue Guard sidearm, this gun has been modified to induce a state of unbridled lust in its target, making them especially desirous of the attentions of Slaanesh."

"Well, hoe else would you use..."

*Photovisor*

"A lays-pistol?"

Brother-Captain, a most odd complaint showed up from Second Company. They say that the lower halves of their Power Armor are missing from the armory...

Well they should always keep an eye out...

*Sunglasses*

...for genestealers.

Ok, so these Prosecutor Marines are sort of a middle ground between a Commissar (in the sense that they sometimes operate directly in combat, like the IG commissars) and an Inquisitor (in that they generally work exclusively within the confines of the Imperial bureaucracy, to cleanse it of the taint of heresy and treason (and things like misappropriation of funds and the like, I would imagine, not just collusion with the forces of Chaos). I know >>2994557 already said that, I just wanted to clarify.

This shit is awesome

Moar

>>2994740
If you want the sensible explanation, they are dedicated to resolving conflict between the Space Marines and the rest of the Administratum and Mechanicus.
If you want the tg canon version, they fight the taint of chaos and xenos in the court of law, serving His Subpoenas to all those who would encroach upon the rights of the Imperium.

>>2994776
What, the Horatius Khaine shtick or the Lawyerines?

"Sir, the marines are requesting a detachment of heavy bolters, but the manufactorum won't supply them. Things are becoming tense."

"Looks like this firing line..."

Glasses.

"Is at a standstill."

Anyone read Brothers of the Snake?

Khorne Dolls?

Wouldn't Brother-Captain Horatius put on his helmet instead of a photovisor? Or am I reading too much into this?

"Brother, the strike force is in need of more jumpacks, they are planning a lightning raid so that the front line isn't overwhelmed."

"That's what I call fight..."

*Glasses*

"Or flight"

>>2994842
Sergeants don't wear helmets, they're protected by plot, cool, and void shields.

Plus I think it would be funnier if it was a sergeant who wore sunglasses.

lost primarch

>>2994864
Well, he DID fight xenos a long time ago...

>>2994855Sergeants don't wear helmets

DO YOU KNOW WHY?

"A most interesting weapon, Brother-Captain. If I don't miss my guess, these incomplete blueprints are heretical plans detailing the creation of a rifle that causes night-like conditions across the battlefield, along with primal feelings of dread."

"We can't let the Dark Mechanicus have these, otherwise in the far future of war..."

*Photovisor*

"There'll only be grim darkness."

I hate all of you and your terrible puns.

>>2994894
MY WORST JUST FOR YOU

"These words written on the steak the Governor was eating , my Lord, are a very specific curse- a joke written with Chaotic sigils. From what I can see, they were a play of words riffing on his name."

"Well, Librarian, you know what they say about puns..."

*Photovisor*

"They are a rare medium well done."

>>2994935
Oh gawd how can such words be uttered by mortal man???
The insanity of it, oh the insanity!!!

>>2994959
>>2994935
Why am I now imagining Eldrad speaking in nothing but bad puns?

>>2994935
I just took 10 san damage.

>>2994935
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!

>>2994976
>>2994967
>>2994959
awesomeface.jpg

rolled 11 = 11

>>2994935
roll for will save

So... do Death Cult Assassins protect themselves with the Contempt of Armor?

If I said yes, can I have a cookie?

I imagine Chaos Lawyer Marines to be much like Raoul Duke's Samoan lawyer in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

>>2995099
Benicio Del Toro is now my pick to play a Tzeentchian sorceror.

OBJECTION MARINE

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH INVITING YOUNG RACES TO ONE'S ABODE TO DRINK MOONWINE

>>2994215

Late to the party, but don't mind me.

A dreadnaught judge eh? More like [spoiler]Judge Dredd[/spoiler]

>>2995132
>DURRR I DON'T KNOW WHAT OBJECTION LOOKS LIKE HURRR

>>2995186

More like I suck at tags.

>>2995201
I don't think /tg/ even has spoilers. :|

>>2995282
He knew that. Ultrospoilers is one of the things /v/ created that is good.

Poasting in an epic thrad.

>>2995186
More like Judge Dread, actually. Nimwit.

god, how many chapters do we have now? something like, 7?

>>2995358
ANGRY MARINES
Disco Marines
Pretty Marines
Mexicamarines
Reasonable Marines
Lazy Marines
Mole Marines
Lawyer Marines (as of this topic)

am I forgetting any?

In the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium's legal system, there is only protracted litigation.

>>2995361
Classy marines!

Brother captain, it appears that the victim's brain got exploded by this runaway dwarven psyker!

It looks like we have a case of an...

*Glasses*

Extra small medium at large.

>>2995361
SLIGHTLY displeased marines
Jewrines
ANGRY COFFIN PEOPLE (all-dreadnought chapter)

>>2995476
"SLIGHTLY DISPLEASED! FOR SOME TIME!"

"JEWGOLDS FOR ISRAEL! DONATE OR DIE!"

"GET OFF MY LAWN YE' DAMNED KIDS!!!"

>>2995456
Oh god, I laughed so hard.

Can some one make YEEEAAAH about necrons?

Like lawyer marine saying something about Living Metal and Death Metal

>>2995514
"..."
"......"
"Begin the harvest."
"..."
".........."

YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

>>2995523

i lol'd

fuck yeah necrons

"In the Imperial Justice System the people are repressed by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Adeptus Astartes who fuck shit up and the Adeptus Solicitus who force a conviction, these are their stories."

>>2994740

Hmm, it seems to me that these guys could act like Deathwatch, but for Hereticus instead of Xenos. They work in small teams alongside Inquisitors and Arbites to eliminate taint before it spreads to the point where it needs a full Guard, SoB, or Marine response. They are selected not just for their prowess and fervor, but for their discretion as well as knowledge of and adherence to Imperial Doctrine. They could even possibly be a training corps/splinter chapter of the Grey Knights.

God dammit /tg/, I really didn't want to troll with my Marine army, but I have a bunch of Sternguard with Dark Angels torsos and Deathwatch shoulders/heads already primed. And Arbite scouts. FUCK.

40k minuts in GIMP.

>>2995456
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU-

>>2995605
I lol'd

>>2995605
Oh god fuck i lol'd entirely too hard.

>>2994364
They have their own assassin temple of law ninja. Eldrad is going to wake up with a summons pinned to his forehead.

>>2995605
Shit, I laughed.

OI BOYZ!
DA HUMIES NAO HAFF LAW BOYZ TOO!!!

Noteable Acts of the Law Marines:
"A lone marine convinced the servants of chaos to leave, as well as pay an outstanding parking fine of 500 credits"
"None so feared among the Adminstratorium as the Adaptus Solictus, whose prose are well known among the sacred halls of the Emperor"
"Alanus Shorius, adverted an order Exterminatus long enough, thereby allowing a Law Marine squardron to acquire their holiest of relics, "The Ban Hammer" from the Inquisitor Gregor Eisenhorn himself by engaging in a legalistic conundrum tying up the Inquisitor himself in proceedings for which its implications are still felt throughout the Imperium today.

>>2994837
Ithikans don't learn about puns in school, though. None of the Marines actually got the pun.

Holy shit Eldradulthran
adult
^
Conpirashy

Vote request for archive has been initiated. Press Page Up to vote YES or Page Down to vote NO. Vote will end in 2 minutes.

>>2995361
Scary marines.

Always staring. All the time.
...
JESUS FUCK BEHIND YOU!

Squat marines! Don't forget the squ--

Get off me you bastards! The people must kn

>>2996129

"Sir, it looks like the Night lord committed suicide. But his eyes have been taken out."

"I guess you could say he was blind"

*glasses*

"as a bat."

"Reports say that this morning when the body was found it had a huge post-mortem erection. Now it's gone sir."

"I guess what comes up"

*glasses*

"must come down."

>>2996155

>>2996200
>>2996155
In before hilarious horror-ruining edits.

>>2996217
You're welcome.

>>2996217
>>2996266
:(

>>2995358

Always thought chess mahreens would be a decent idea. Just set a bunch of figures on an appropriately sized chessboard. Too bad their king can't move until it's taken, where it becomes the best piece in the game.

Chess orks would be broken though. They'd be able to move anywhere on the board as long as the player honestly believes his piece can move there.

>>2996325
Okay, this one got me to smirk.

>>2996443

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffffffffffff

>>2996190
>>2996199
>>2994848
>>2994893
>>2994935
>>2995456
>>2994813
>>2994667
>>2994674
>>2994724
>>2994567
>>2994592
>>2994662
>>2994525

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

1d4chan just found some more lore to post.

>>2994198

This picture mad my day. Thank you Anon.

"Sir! Autopsy reports the nurgle lesser demon died from illness."

"I guess this was one plague"

*glasses*

"He couldn't bear."

AND THEIR MORTAL NEMISIS

>>2996864
I lol'd.

>>2996864
NO H IN WITNESS
NOT NEMISIS, IT IS NEMESIS
NO ITEMS
FINAL DESTINATION

>>2996884

>>2996964

fuck the Lawyer Marines

>>2997131

Faggotry Art of Reasonable Daemonette and Lawyer Marine dating in a fancy restaurant with proper etiquette and everything, after of course they awkwardly meet and argue at first, only to grow on one another

I hear they're working on a class action lawsuit against the Tau on the grounds they had acquired citizens of the Imperium through false advertising of the Service called Greater Good. They did not mention that it'd cause such things such as sterilization, brainwashing and mind control.

>>2997131
Sustained.

>>2997216

FCUK

>>2997216
I'm calling for a mistrial on the basis of the judge being a chaos-worshiping heretic.

ITT, sum of the best original content I've seen out of /TG/ in a while.

This is epic. I support this, and will drawfag it.

>>2997518
Well I'll be damned.

has this been archived yet?

>>2997881
Yes, precisely

>>2997131
Fuck yeah more lawyer daemonette!

>>2997177

LET THE DRAMA BEGIN!!!!

This thread is awesome and all of you should feel awesome.