Has anyone seen "Fifty Shades of Adamantium"?

Someone, ANYONE, write this story!

My lady really likes it kinky. Every day I get up before dawn and grab my tongs to go down and start beating the bitch. I fire up the whole room, pounding the thing relentlessly until she gets into the position I want. I even let folk come in and watch, and request what I do to her for a few coins. The whole time she doesn't say a word because she's a good little bitch and knows her place. The whole day I keep it hot and soon you can see the marks on her, and by night she is so worn out that she can't even move. She weighs to much that I couldn't lift her if I tried, so I just leave the whore in the front room while I go sleep in bed.

I'm a dwarf, and I'm married to an anvil.

Dear god... what have I done?

It's AMAZING